The View from Where I Sit, Part 2.

As I look out at our very large, very overgrown backyard, I can’t help but think,

“Man. I’m really glad Dennis will take care of most of this.” Ha.

(No, but really.)

Let’s back up a bit. So in February this happened:

 

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Then not too long after, this happened:

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And the past few months have been a flurry of house buying, engagement pictures, house selling, contractors, wedding planning, Home Depot, MORE contractors, MORE HOME DEPOT.

By the end of 2015, I will have changed my marital status, my last name, my address, and perhaps most importantly, finally become an Amazon Prime member.

Not going to lie, I worry a little bit that this year is filled with so much good stuff that future years are bound to be a disappointment. But deep down I know that’s not possibly true. There is still so much to discover and learn about life. And I’m looking forward to having some one else to explore all of that with.

And from where I sit today?

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This is the actual view from our bedroom. It’s a real problem because all I want to do is sit here all day and drink coffee and write.

Everything’s looking pretty lovely.

The View from Where I Sit, Part 1.

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The view from where I sit is, well, a little desolate. A shell.

I’m sitting on the floor of my little Blue Cottage. Empty, except for the curtains that I designed and created with my mom. Looking at the walls I spent hours painting, the kitchen cabinets I refinished. The vision I had for my first little house as a 27-year-old.

And I’m about to hand it all off to another young woman who, I’m sure, has her own visions and dreams of what life here will be like.

It’s funny how quickly things can seem to change.

I mean, don’t get me wrong. Change is exactly what I was hoping for. I had been praying and planning that my time here would be temporary. That sometime in the near future I would get to move up to a bigger, more permanent house (check) with a husband (almost check) and some chubby babies (let’s not move that fast…)

It’s just that it’s exactly as hard as everyone always tells you it’s going to be. Shocking. Giving up your individual identity. Compromising your space, and style, and routine for someone else. Giving up “my” things for “our” things.

It’s a strange, difficult feeling. Right? Or am I alone in this? The feeling that everything that you’ve been wanting is finally coming together, but that life is moving just steam-rolling along and taking you with it?

If you’re confused it’s because a whole year of my life has passed and I haven’t been writing. It’s been HUGE. 2015, the year of turning 30, has not been a disappointment. More details in Part 2!

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes.

Life announcement: I’m taking a new job!

It’s been quite a journey and though I am excited, I still have a lot of mixed feelings. I’ve been crying for days (daysssss) as I struggle with leaving a place filled with people I have come to love so much. But, the switch is necessary. As I’ve been wrapping up my final weeks, I’ve started to recognize a few things about myself  and how I deal with that ugly word. Change

I don’t like saying goodbye. And I think that’s ok. My final week is next week; which also happens to be spring break. Because of that, I’m seeing a lot of students for the final time. They are adamant about stopping in the office to see me before they leave campus (because they are the sweetest things on the planet) and as I give out hug after hug, I can’t bring myself to say goodbye. It just feels weird. I keep saying, “see you later” just like I would at the end of every other day. Maybe I’m delusional and think I’m going to see them all walk through my new office door. And I’m sure it will hit me when I have to start over with new faces and have a million new names to learn. But I think it’s important to not let go of special relationships and I have no intention of disappearing just because I’m in a new environment. Just like many times before, good friends are only a phone call or an email away – saying goodbye just feels too permanent and that isn’t necessary.

Don’t wait until the end to say thank you. When I sent out the announcement that I would be leaving, I was inundated with well-wishes and thank yous. I also found myself overwhelmed with how many individuals I want to be sure know how grateful I am for them; so many people have made an impact on me these past 4.5 years. And I’m reminded of something we all forget in our busy lives. Don’t forget to tell people what they mean to you. Write notes. Leave messages. Tell them. I wish I had continuously told these people over the past few years instead of bottling it all up at the end. You never know what your words will mean to someone else.

I’m allowed to be happy for myself. I have this complex where I am always worried about taking care of everyone else and always put myself last. So, you can only imagine that in my whirlwind of change I of course was concerned about all the nitty-gritty details and what everyone else around me was feeling. Because that’s healthy. It took me a few days until I was finally able to pour myself a glass of wine, do a little happy dance and really be excited. But that’s important. Let yourself enjoy an accomplishment and look forward to what is up ahead. It’s not a bad thing to revel in your own happiness for a little bit. 

Let’s hear from you! How do you handle change? Do you love it or run from it? What lessons have you learned?